Lesbian Bed Death: What the Numbers Really Show?

Lesbian bed death is the idea that lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex the longer the relationship lasts than any other type of couple and consequently have less sexual closeness. A two-year sexual activity decline in a long-term lesbian partnership is another way to describe it.

The idea is based on research from 1983, published in American Couples: Money, Work, Sex, by social psychologist Philip Blumstein and sociologist Pepper Schwartz, which found that lesbian couples gave lower responses to the question “How often have you and your partner had sex relations over the course of the last year?” The research has drawn criticism for its methodology as well as the fact that, regardless of sexual orientation, sexual activity declines for all long-term relationships. Analysis of the idea has so labelled it as a common myth.

What Is Lesbian Bed Death?

“The belief that lesbians not only have less sex than other types of couples but that there is a significant reduction in sexuality in long-term lesbian relationships,” according to Katie, is what she refers to as “lesbian bed death.”

It gets tricky because the data doesn’t support it. It’s actually only supported by anecdotal evidence and incredibly old survey studies, dating back more than 25 years, says Katie. Lesbians have lower rates of sexual activity and higher rates of celibacy than other types of relationships, according to polls. Thus, the notion that lesbians simply aren’t as sexual was born.

Lesbian Bed Death

The issue with the older research is that many of them failed to adequately account for the whole spectrum of human sexuality in addition to being out of date. Without considering other forms of intimacy that aren’t penis-in-vagina sex, this research tended to concentrate on heteronormative ideals of sex and intimacy. Lesbian bed deaths are a myth, and there isn’t much concrete evidence to support them.

The myth does contain a grain of truth: in all long-term relationships, sexual activity tends to decline. The issue, according to Katie, is that the stereotype only applies to lesbians. By claiming that they are the only ones with this issue, it stigmatises one group. Simply said, that is untrue. Additionally, there is a tonne of evidence from more recent studies to support the opposing hypothesis.

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Allow Your Libido to Be What It Is

Sex is a unique and personal experience, which is another crucial aspect of this discussion that is frequently overlooked. Katie stated this again. “I simply want to be clear about one thing: sexuality, and the notion that a decline in sexuality is a problem, are individualised experiences. It’s one where you can treat sex like a priority if that’s how you feel about it. If not, you should feel free to accept a downturn in your sexual life if it feels right.

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It’s crucial that individuals respect their libidos for what it is they are. And just because we’re experiencing a decrease in libido or sexual charge in a relationship, [or] at some point in a relationship, [it doesn’t necessarily mean] that it will continue – but [it also doesn’t necessarily mean] that there is an issue that has to be fixed. If you wish, work on it.

Lesbian Bed Death

Is There Anything Lesbians Should Actually Be Worried about, Sex Wise?

We can all agree that the concept of lesbian bed death is an archaic concept that has no current relevance in queer culture. Lesbians do, however, have certain unique sexual issues to consider. These include things like “the time it takes to achieve orgasm, and the effort that is invested into a sexual experience,” according to Katie. These can differ greatly from those had in heterosexual or gay male relationships.

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However, when we’re talking about a relationship between two people who identify as women, there is also the possibility of sexual trauma coming into play in addition to the more typical difficulties like weariness or emotional trouble within the partnership. When this occurs, Katie advises both seeking counselling—of course—and conducting your own sexual inventory to identify ways to enhance your sex life on your own.

Lesbian Bed Death

What the Numbers Really Show?

In order to disprove the myth of lesbian bed deaths, Katie offered us a sample of some of the proof. Lesbians frequently report equal to or higher levels of sexual satisfaction than their heterosexual counterparts, according to studies from the past 20 years, according to Katie. They have more orgasms and longer sexual encounters than heterosexual couples, and they engage in a range of sexual activities throughout their relationship.


The notion that lesbian couples enjoy less intimacy in bed is known as the lesbian bed death. The concept is based on a 1983 study that was presented in the book American Couples: Money, Work, and Sex. Compared to other types of relationships, lesbians have greater rates of celibacy and lower rates of sexual engagement. Studies show that lesbians frequently report higher or equal levels of sexual satisfaction than their heterosexual counterparts. Compared to heterosexual couples, they had longer and more frequent orgasms.

Lesbians do, however, have some specific sexual concerns to take into account. These factors include the length of time it takes to reach orgasm and the amount of effort put into a sexual session.

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